


Fear of Drowning

by bob_dylans



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddly Dean, Human Castiel, Hunter Castiel, Hunters & Hunting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 20:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8637547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bob_dylans/pseuds/bob_dylans
Summary: The boys decide to take a now human Castiel on another hunting trip. This time its a ghost that seems to be haunting a lake in a small West Virginian town. An easy salt and burn to be sure, but Cas seems oddly uneasy about the whole thing. Dean notices this, and tries to reach out to Cas, but the fallen angel pushes him away. Dean keeps pushing, and Cas soon realizes that its time for him to come clean. He's afraid of drowning. And Dean has an idea of how to fix that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sam is not possessed by Gadreel in this! Thanks for reading :)

Dean’s POV 

 

It’s a quiet, lazy morning in the bunker. Dean is scrolling through different news feeds on his computer, and Sam is in the kitchen with Cas, trying to teach the fallen angel how to make eggs. Cas has yet to crack an egg open without completely destroying it.

Sam and Dean have been helping Cas learn simple tasks ever since his fall. Though Dean tends to help Cas more with cooking, Sam wanted a turn this morning. He’s pretty sure that his little brother is regretting that decision now.

Dean has taught Cas a few tasks; boiling water, making coffee and the like. Cas stuck his arm in the boiling water at one point to stir the pasta, which led to Dean and him huddled in the bathroom together while Dean rubbed aloe on Cas’ burned arm. Dean had to explain that humans could not, in fact, put their arms in hot water.

Dean can’t help but find it slightly comical how Cas struggles with simple tasks, but at the same time it makes his heart hurt when he sees the exhausted look that seems to be constantly on the fallen angel’s face.

“Hey Martha Stewart,” Dean calls, glancing up from his laptop just as Cas destroys yet another egg. “Get over here. You too Sam. I think I found us a case.”

“Really?” Sam says, cleaning his hands off before walking over to the table where Dean sits.

“Yeah. Oak Hill, West Virginia. Three people have drowned in the lake near town. But I looked into it, and apparently they were all good swimmers. And the drownings are odd because there are bruise marks shaped like hands on the victim’s bodies.”

“Like they were dragged down.” Sam voices, and Dean nods.

“Exactly.”

Cas, who has been walking towards the two of them, freezes. Dean frowns. All the color has drained from the fallen angel’s face.

“Cas?” He asks, “You ok?”

Castiel starts. “What? Oh, yes.”

Dean frowns. Cas doesn’t look fine. He is about to voice this opinion when Sam speaks.

“It’s like that case in Lake Manitoc all those years ago.” He muses. “Remember with Lucas and that ghost in the lake.”

“That’s what I was thinking.” Dean says. “Probably a vengeful spirit of some kind.”

“If we leave in an hour or so, we could make it to Oak Hill by late tonight.” Sam says. “Does that sound good?”

“Yeah… Cas?” Dean turns to see him still and quiet. “You in?”

“Of course.” Castiel shakes his head quickly as if to clear his head. The fallen angel gives them a small smile, but Dean notices a tightness around his eyes.

“Sam, you start packing up the Impala. Cas and I can take the dishes and clean up in here. Considering the amount of eggs you destroyed, it might take a while.”

“Sounds good.” Sam chuckles, turning to leave.

Dean stands, rolling up his sleeves as he walks to the kitchen sink. Turning on the hot water tap and grabbing the soap, he begins to fill the sink with warm, sudsy water.

“How can I help Dean?” As always, Cas is right up in Dean’s face, disregarding personal space. But the odd, tense look is still in his eyes, so Dean doesn’t comment on it.

“I’ll wash and you dry.” Dean says, then laughs as Cas goes to stick his fully clothed arms into the water that now fills the sink.

“Cas, we’ve talked about this. You have to roll your sleeves man.” He chuckles, grabbing Cas arms and rolling the sleeves of his trench coat up past his elbows.

“Ah.” Cas gives Dean a small smile. “Should I blow on the dishes to dry them?”

Dean laughs again. “Just use this dishcloth.

The two settle into a soothing rhythm, Dean washing the egg covered plates and leftover breakfast dishes, then handing them to Castiel to dry. They work in a comfortable silence. He tries not to laugh as the fallen angel focuses intensely on making sure every dish is dry. Though the determined look in Cas’ blue eyes and deft hand movements makes something else stir in Dean, but he tries not to dwell on it.

It’s a feeling he experiences often. A bloom of warmth in the pit of his stomach, or something that feels like wings beating inside his chest. He ignores it though, that unnameable emotion, because he can’t possibly be feeling _that_ for Cas. They’re friends. Yet they have been through so much together. And Dean has always felt a link between him and Cas, no matter how hard he tries to pretend it isn’t there.

Dean shakes his head slightly, trying to clear his head of these frightening thoughts he can’t explain. He glances at Cas.

“You wanna tell me what happened back there?”

Cas stops drying the blue plate he holds. “What do you mean?”

“When I mentioned the case, you totally froze up. That’s not like you man.”

“I did not freeze up.” Cas says shortly, taking the final dish that Dean passes to him. “You must have imagined that Dean.”

“No I didn’t Cas.” Dean dries his hand and reaches out, grabbing Cas’ shoulder and forcing the other man to look him in the eyes. “I saw you go pale. If I didn’t know any better… I’d say you looked scared. What’s going on Cas?”

“Nothing is going on.” Castiel says, but he won’t meet Dean’s eyes.

Before Dean can protest, he turns and walks out of the kitchen.

 

Cas’ POV 

Cas sits in the back seat of the Impala, listening to Dean hum along to Pink Floyd and watching the scenery flash by. He leans his head against the window of the car, enjoying the sound of Dean singing along softly to Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” in his husky timbre.

He tries not to think about what Dean had said earlier in the kitchen. Castiel lied. He’s not alright. At all.

The nightmares started the first time he slept after becoming human. They are dark and horrific, filled with fire and water.

The fire was hellfire. And Dean. Cas dreams about pulling Dean from hell almost every other night. Different scenes each night, but still. He hates them. Dean is half demonic in most, a knife in his hand, torturing souls with a twisted smile on his face. And Alistair is standing behind him, grinning as Castiel watches helplessly. He knows how much Dean loathes himself for this, and it broke his heart when he realized that nightmares like these are what Dean has to deal with every night.

And then Cas lifts Dean out, gripping him tight. He can never forget that. The blank look on Dean’s face, the tatters of flesh that were his body. The way he mumbled the name of his brother over and over again, along with the phrase that makes Cas jerk awake, a cold sweat covering his skin.

_Please, just kill me. Please._

But the dreams of hell, as awful as they are, Cas can deal with. Often after these nightly episodes he stumbles in a panic down the hallway of the bunker to Dean’s room, making sure that the other man is breathing and safe. Cas can deal with these dreams because he can see Dean, and know he is safe.

The water is something else. Cas feels a shudder roll through him. He can’t think about the water, the nightmare he has so often of drowning with the Leviathan. The dark water, being unable to breathe, his lungs collapsing in on him. Cas sucks in a sharp breath. Just thinking about these vivid night terrors makes his pulse race. And now they’re headed to work  a case involving drownings. And Cas doesn’t have his grace to protect Dean and Sam, much less himself. He can’t even swim.

He swallows back the bile that has risen up in this throat. Water terrifies him now. And losing Dean or Sam to water terrifies him even more. How can he possibly keep the brothers safe without his grace?

With these thoughts setting his mind racing, Castiel doesn’t notice a pair of worried green eyes watching him through the rearview mirror.

 

Dean’s POV 

 

“So get this.” Sam says, glancing up at Dean and Cas from his computer. “About ten years ago a man named Marshall Newman committed suicide by drowning himself in the same lake that all the victims have been killed in.”

Dean nods. “So you think this Marshall guy is the ghost?”

They reached Oak Hill, West Virginia last night, and Sam was up bright and early this morning doing research. Cas is in the shower while the two brothers discuss the case.

Sam shrugs. “It makes sense. But the problem is that the police couldn’t drain the lake to get the body. Something about budget problems. And since Marshal didn’t have any family, the issue wasn’t pressed.”

“So the body is still down there.” Dean sighs. “Wonderful. And disgusting, since people still are swimming there even though the body is still down there.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna go visit the police station and talk to the officers about the case. You and Cas should check out the lake.” Sam says, standing and closing his laptop.

“Ok. I’ll let Cas know when he gets out of the shower.”

Dean is suddenly bombarded with a very vivid mental image of Cas in the shower. All that pale, creamy skin dripping wet… Dean’s face flames red, and as he stands, he ends up tripping over his chair and falling to the floor.

“Dean?” Sam is trying to hold back his laughter. “Are you ok?”

“Just get to the police station bitch.” Dean mutters, trying to control the flush that now rages across his features.

“Whatever jerk.” Sam grins, and heads out the door.

 

Cas’ POV 

Cas stands in the shower, lathering his dark hair with shampoo and allowing the warm water to run over him. He didn’t sleep last night. Without the privacy of his room in the bunker, he can’t risk waking Dean and Sam with screams from his nightmares. They don’t need to worry about him. The brothers

“Cas?” Dean’s voice comes from outside the bathroom. “Sam wants us to check out Lake Arrowhead. The body of the man whose spirit we think is haunting the lake is still down in the water, so we need to find a way to get it and burn it. Is that ok?”

Cas’ skin goes cold despite the hot water that cascades over him. His heart begins to pound, and his hands tremble. That man’s spirit will be down in the water, ready to drag Cas below the dark waves. To hold him under till his breath is gone, till his lungs burn, and his thrashing arms go limp.

“Cas?”

Cas bursts from the shower, shutting off the water and darting to the toilet, barely reaching it in time before he retches.

“Cas!” Dean’s voice is panicked. “Are you ok? What’s going on?”

He tries to respond, but he can’t stop vomiting, his body shaking and his breath coming in gasps.

“I’m coming in!” Dean bellows, and Cas finally finds his voice.

“Dean I’m fine. I just ate something that didn’t agree with me. I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

There’s silence from the other side of the door. Then Dean speaks, his voice rough.

“You are not fine Cas. Something is wrong. I know. I’m always the one who claims that they’re fine when they’re actually falling apart. I can see that bullshit from a mile away. Don’t lie to me.”

Cas hears Dean turn, his footsteps receding away from the bathroom door. He slumps against the toilet, running a shaky hand across his mouth. Dean is right. He isn’t fine. But he can’t ask more of Dean. He can’t.

 

* * *

 

 

To say the ride to the lake is awkward is an understatement. The moment Cas slides into the Impala, Dean begins to blast AC/DC so there is no way for Cas to speak. Cas doesn’t blame him. Dean is wounded after Cas rejected his offer of help.

When they arrive at the lake, which is large and surrounded by mountains and tall pines, Cas can’t help but feel pathetic. Most normal people would find this picturesque and peaceful, but all he feels dread.

“Let’s check this place out.” Dean sighs, climbing out of the car. “I’m gonna grab my EMF reader.”

Cas nods.

A chilly breeze whips about them, a reminder that winter is on its way. Cas and Dean walk down the edge of the lake, Dean holding out his reader, its steady beeping filling the silence.

When they reach the edge of a dock, the EMF device begins to beep loudly, and Dean nods.

“I figured as much. There’s been activity here recently.” He says, and walks onto the dock, Castiel trailing behind him.

Cas walks  to the edge of the dock, trying not to look at the dark water lapping against the sides. “Why do you think a man who committed suicide would remain on as a ghost?”

Dean shrugs.  “Maybe he chickened out. Maybe he just didn’t want to die as much as he thought he did. Hell if I know.”

“The fear aspect makes sense.” Cas sighs. “But I wonder why he began to kill innocent swimmers.”

Cas turns, his back to the lake as he watches Dean fiddle with his EMF reader.

“People shouldn’t stay on as ghosts Cas. I mean, even Bobby couldn’t stay regular, and he’s Bobby. It does something to ya.”

“That’s a good point.”

Suddenly, something wet and tight grips Cas by the ankle, pulling him off the dock. He lets out a cry of shock and fear as the dark waves rise up to meet him, screaming the name of the only man who can save him as he falls.

_“Dean!”_

 

Dean’s POV 

 

_“Dean!”_

Cas’ cry of fear, and his shout of Dean’s name make the hunter’s blood run cold. He spins and looks down the dock just in time to see the fallen angel disappear beneath the waves, his eyes wide in fear.

Without hesitation, Dean sheds his coat and drops his EMF, diving into the lake after Castiel.

 

Cas’ POV 

 

Cas thrashes as he is dragged down, panic rising in his throat, adrenaline running through his veins. But he doesn’t know how to swim. There is nothing he can do.

_Dean._

It is a plea, a prayer, but he no longer has his grace. Dean can’t hear him.

His grace.

If he had his grace this wouldn’t matter, except now he is human. So very human. His lungs begin to burn, and he tries to keep his eyes up, but the light is gone. The hand grasping his ankle is so tight, and he can never break free.

It’s just like with the Leviathan. So much darkness, pain, cold, and fear. His consciousness flickers, and he gives one last kick before allowing the spirit to drag him down.

Then suddenly, strong arms wrap about him, pulling him up.  Something warm presses to his mouth, and air is pushed into his lungs.  Cas looks up, and there is Dean, a look of horror on his face as he yanks Cas from the hold of the spirit and pulls him up towards the light.

It’s as if Dean is now pulling _Cas_ from hell, gripping him tightly and raising him from his demons.

They break the surface, Dean dragging Castiel from the water and onto the rocky shore, both heaving water and gasping for air.

“Cas! Cas?” Dean is hovering over him, dripping wet and shaking hard.

Castiel feels his own body shivering uncontrollably, his heart hammering. He can’t get enough air. He can’t breathe.

“Dean…” He whimpers, gasping.

“It’s ok. The spirit is in the water. It’s ok. Just breathe.” Dean says soothingly, gripping his shoulders. I’m right here.”

Cas nods, coughing up water and ignoring the feeling of tears pricking at his eyes. Tears… he has never cried. Ever. And now he is coming apart.

Dean helps him up, running trembling hands over his shoulders and down his sides. “You’re freezing Cas. Let’s get you back to the motel. I’ll call Sam and tell him to go pick up some food. It’s gonna be ok Cas. I promise.”

Dean’s green eyes meet his and Castiel nods again, and despite the fact that he is out of the water, he still feels as if he is drowning.

 

Dean’s POV 

 

When they reach the motel, Dean hurries Cas inside, then turns on the shower to hot. He keeps checking the shower water as Cas hovers in the doorway.

“Come on Cas. Let’s get you warmed up.” He says, attempting a smile and failing miserably.

“Dean.”

The hunter turns to see the fallen angel staring at him with his intense gaze. His gaze drops to Cas’ lips, and he feels his face flush. He still can’t believe he kissed Cas… sure it was to give him more air (if that is even scientifically possible), but it’s so strange. Dean closes his eyes briefly, fighting a blush that threatens to spread across his cheeks.

“What’s up?” He asks.

“Thank you… for saving me.”

This time Dean does flush. “It was nothing Cas. Just get in the shower.”

“What about you? You’re as cold as I am.”

Dean waves away his concern. “I’ll be fine. I’ll go after you. Get in there.”

Cas freezes. “Dean… I can’t. I can’t be alone.”

“Do you want… ” His blush turns darker. “Do you want me to stay in here? I mean, not in the shower with you, but with the curtain pulled and-”

“Please.” Cas whispers, his voice uncharacteristically vulnerable. “I’m afraid to be alone Dean.”

“Y-yeah. Sure. Don’t worry about it.” Dean stutters. “I’ll be right here.”

“Alright.”

Without ceremony Cas shrugs  out of his trenchcoat, then begins to unbutton his shirt. Dean quickly turns, heat creeping up the back of his neck. He hears the shirt hit the floor, then the light thump of a tie, the clatter of a belt, and a whoosh as what must be Cas’ pants and boxers hit the floor.

Dean sucks in a deep breath. “Cas are you in the shower?”

“Yes.” Comes the husky voice.

Dean sits down on the toilet lid, trying not to focus on the fact that Cas’ naked form is blocked by only a thin shower curtain.

“Being human…” Cas starts quietly, his voice just over the rushing sound of the shower. “Being human isn’t just eating and sleeping. I now have the mind of a human as well.”

Dean nods, watching Cas’ form slump, as if he’s curling in on himself.

“I didn’t realize how vivid human dreams could be until the first night I slept. Ever. As you know, I never slept as an angel. Though to say what I saw in my sleep was dreams is putting it nicely.”

“Nightmares.” Dean voices, and watching as Cas’ figure shudders.

“Yes. I can deal with them usually, but there is one that I can’t seem to get past. My nightmare of drowning.” Cas speaks quietly, but Dean can hear the slight tremor behind his words.

“Why drowning?” Dean says, though he has an idea.

“Contrary to what you and Sam thought, I was still alive when I drowned with the Leviathan. Barely, but I was alive. I was lucid as the water closed in over my head, and my lungs burned, and it was so, so dark. I couldn’t find the light, and then my body was filling with water, and I was going limp. Dean, I realized I was going to die.”

Cas shuts off the water, and despite the warm fog that cloaks the bathroom, Dean can see that he is shaking violently. Dean passes a towel through the curtain, remaining quiet. Cas grabs the towel, and then grips at Dean’s hand, trembling.

“I knew I was going to die. And I knew that this time I wasn’t going to be brought back. At least that’s what I thought then. I didn’t want to die, but at the same time, I thought it was just. After all I’d done, killing so many of my brothers and sisters, playing at being God… and yet I still wanted to live, despite all that. I’m despicable.” His voice is rough, and Dean feels his heart squeeze in agony at Cas’ words. The fallen angel is now gripping Dean‘s hand in a vise, as if it is the only thing holding him together.

“No… Cas. Please don’t say that. Please.” Dean pleads, feeling his heart breaking for Castiel, his throat tightening.  And the worst part? He doesn’t know how he can help.

 

Cas’ POV 

 

Cas shivers at the tone of Dean’s voice, and drops his hand, going to wrap his towel tightly about him.

“What am I Dean?” He whispers. “I have no grace, no way to help. Dean… I can’t even swim. And with this case, if the spirit had gripped you instead of me and pulled you under, I could have only watched you drown.”

“Dammit Cas. Stop it will you?” Dean growls, causing Cas to jump slightly. “Don’t talk badly about yourself. We’re gonna get your grace back, but even without it, you’re not useless. I’ve told you this before Cas and I’ll say it again. I need you. I mean it man.”

Cas freezes, and something warm blooms in the pit of his stomach. He pushes aside the shower curtain, eyes immediately meeting Dean’s. The hunter’s face is flushed, and Cas takes a few steps up to him, trying not to notice the way Dean’s eyes are raking over his bare torso to where his towel is wrapped loosely around his hips.

“Thank you Dean.” He says, his voice hoarse. “I know that isn’t easy for you to speak from the heart like that.”

Dean flushes darker. “Yeah, uh, it’s not a problem.”

“Well, unless you want to watch me change, I suggest you leave me alone in here.” Cas deadpans, a slight smile on his lips, and Dean chuckles.

“Alright alright.” He turns to go. “Oh, and Cas? I’m gonna to teach you how to swim.”

Cas freezes. “Really?”

“You betcha.” Dean grins, and walks out of the bathroom, leaving Cas with a growing fluttering feeling in his chest.

 

Dean’s POV 

 

The moment Dean steps out of the bathroom, he freezes. Sam is sitting at the motel desk, unpacking dinner and trying desperately to keep a grin off his face.

“So…” He snorts a laugh. “Where’s Cas?”

“Shut up bitch.” dean growls, now bright red. “It wasn’t like that.”

Sam hums slightly. “If you say so.”

“Just shut up already.”

 

* * *

 

“Where are we going Dean? Sam is already asleep. We should be too.” Cas protests as Dean pulls him by the hand down the motel hallway.

Dean lets out a quiet laugh, loving the way his bare feet pad across the hall carpet. Cas is behind him, hair tousled and pajamas wrinkled from sleep. He’s a little grouchy, which Dean finds very endearing. He’s in his sweats and sleeping shirt too, and running down the motel hall in the dark makes him feel like a reckless kid all over again.

“I told you I was gonna teach you to swim Cas.” He says. “And this motel has a pool, albeit a sketchy one. That’s where we’re going.”

Cas’ steps stutter. “Isn’t it closed right now?”

“Oh Cas. You forget that I can pick locks.” Dean throws the other man a reckless grin.

“Dean… I don’t know if I can.” Cas says, and Dean pulls to a stop.

“I’ll be right there the whole time.” He reassures Cas, their gazes locked. “And the pool doesn’t have a ghost, as far as I know. But I can even check if you want. Trust me.”

Cas stares at him, and Dean can practically see the gears turning in his head.

He says finally, “I trust you Dean.”

Dean grins like an idiot. “Awesome.”

 

* * *

 

Breaking into the pool is child’s play, and soon Dean and Cas are standing at the edge of the cement structure, turning on the wall and pool lights to brighten up the place. It’s sketchy as hell, but Dean doesn’t care too much.

“What now?” Cas asks, eying the water warily.

“Uh… well,” Dean flushes. “You can’t swim in all that Cas.”

“You want me to undress.” He states, staring at Dean intently.

Dean’s blush darkens. “I mean I will too, but yeah. B-boxers are fine.”

What the hell is wrong with him? He’s never been that body shy before, but Dean can’t help turning away as he grips the edge of his shirt and tugs it off, then glances over to see what Cas is doing. The fallen angel’s back is too him, but his shirt is off, and Dean can hear Cas messing with his belt buckle. The skin of his back is smooth and creamy, and Dean licks his lips and then blushes darkly, unable to believe that he is secretly checking Cas out.

Dean hurries and sheds his pants, then quickly so Cas can’t get too good of a look at his freckled and scarred skin, he dives into the pool. The water is cold, but not too cold, and Dean waits a few seconds before breaking the surface with a gasp. Cas is standing at the edge of the pool, a terrified look on his face.

“You were under for so long.” He murmurs, and Dean can see his hands shaking.

“No… no… Cas, I’m fine. That’s normal. I can hold my breath for a pretty long time.” Dean says, trying not to stare at the bare skin of Cas’ legs and torso.

Dean swims to the shallow end in a few long strokes, then gestures for Cas to come over to the steps that lead into the pool. Cas does so, and puts his feet on the first step. Dean sees the sharp intake of breath, and so he swims over to where the stairs are, the water now lapping around his waist.

“Ok Cas, come on. Come to me. The water isn’t deep.” He says, standing awkwardly by the stairs.

Cas nods, then enters the water, gripping tightly to the rail. The pale skin of his arms breaks out in goose bumps when he’s in the pool, water up to his waist.

“The water’s cold Dean.” He whines, and Dean snorts a laugh.

“It’s not that bad. Now let me show you how to swim.” Dean says. “We can start on the wall. Put your arms on it and then try kicking your legs.”

He demonstrates, resting his forearms on the pool edge, and lets his torso and legs float out behind him. Cas tries as well, a small smile on his face when he kicks his feet.

Dean grins. “Perfect. See? Not that hard. Just kick for a bit like that.”

Cas complies, and Dean points out how he should kick deeper underwater, occasionally touching and repositioning the other man’s legs. He feels his ears burn everytime he does this, sparks running through his fingers when he touches Cas.

“Ok. Now you’re not gonna like this part, but you’ve gotta learn to put your head underwater.” Dean says, and Cas stiffens, his kicks stuttering.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“It’ll be ok. I promise. I’m gonna be right here. And you can keep your eyes open underwater, so you’ll be able to see me the whole time.” He reassures Cas. “Trust me.”

Cas swallows hard. “I trust you Dean.”

So Dean settles his hands on Cas’ shoulders, turning the fallen angel to face him. He takes a deep breath and Cas does the same, then Dean gently lowers them both underwater.

 

Cas’ POV 

 

The panic kicks in almost immediately. Cas scrabbles at Dean’s shoulders, gripping them tightly and pulling himself up, gasping for air.

“I’m sorry Dean. I’m sorry.” He stutters when Dean comes up. “I just couldn’t. I-”

“Hey, hey! Look at me!” Dean says loudly, and Cas stops his rambling apologies. “It’s ok Cas. The fact that you’re in the water in the first place is awesome. You’re doing a great job. This takes time.”

“You mean it?” Cas whispers and he nods.

“You’re doing amazing. Getting your head underwater for the first time is hard. Trust me. Dad had to hold my head under to get me to when I was a kid.” He must see the stricken look on Cas’ face because he chuckles and says, “I won’t do that man. Promise.”

“Ok.” Cas sucks in a deep breath. “I’m ready to try again.”

Dean studies his face carefully. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

This time it’s Cas who grabs Dean’s shoulders, pushing them both under before he loses his nerve. Cas feels anxiety clamp down on his chest, but he focuses instead on the warm skin of Dean’s shoulders under his fingers. Then he opens his eyes. It stings a little, but Cas adjusts.

Dean is staring at him, a smile on his face and bubbles drifting from his lips. His eyes are so much greener here in the water, offset by the blue. Dean holds Cas’ wrists lightly, pulling them closer together through the water. And it feels… nice.

There is light, and Cas can feel the cement under his feet. And Dean is with him. His lungs burn slightly, reminding him that he can’t stay under forever, and he feels the panic begin to creep in. But Dean is already pulling him up, both of them breaking the surface with gasps of air.

“Cas you were awesome!” Dean is beaming, and Cas blushes.

“I just did what any normal human should be able to do.” He says.

“I guess, but it was something you were afraid of. How are you feeling?”

Cas smiles. “Good.”

 

Dean’s POV 

 

They work for a long time on kicking and paddling, Cas becoming more and more comfortable in the water, though Dean can see him still struggle to stay calm at times.

They’re floating in the shallow end when Cas frowns suddenly and says:

“Dean, there’s one thing that you haven’t shown me how to do.”

Dean’s brow furrows. “I think I’ve covered everything…”

Cas suddenly grips Dean’s face, and he loses all train of thought. The fallen angel pulls him underwater, then presses his lips to Dean’s.

_Oh._

Cas had been conscious when Dean tried to give him air in the lake. He remembers.

Dean freezes, unsure of what to do. Cas’ thumbs sweep lightly over his cheekbones, his lips soft and warm. Dean brings slightly trembling hands to Cas’ nape, running his fingers through the dark hair that waves gently beneath the water.

His mouth opens slightly, and Cas responds gently, lazily slipping his tongue into Dean’s mouth. The kiss is warm and a little tangled, the two of them trying to figure out their rhythm, how they fit together. And yet it seems familiar, like Dean has done this before. Cas is familiar. Cas is safe. Cas is home.

They pull apart, both coming up for air from both the kiss and being underwater. Cas pants slightly, and Dean knows that his own face is red.

“Did I do that correctly?” Cas asks, his eyes glowing in the light of the pool.

Dean’s voice is breathless. “Yeah…”

Cas meets Dean’s gaze, his eyes dark. And something in Dean snaps. The thing that he always is held back by when Cas is too close. The thing Dean always ignores is suddenly rushing through his veins, and his fear and guilt can’t hold him back anymore.

He’s pouncing on Cas, both of them sinking to the bottom of the shallow end, lips fiercely locked, hands moving, touching, searching. Any thought Dean has ever had about personal space is gone, and all he can think of is why the hell they haven’t done this sooner?

Dean is pulling Cas out of the pool, and they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other as they grab their clothes and head down the hall, Dean’s hand gripping Cas’ like it’s the only thing holding him to the earth. And maybe it is, because Dean feels as if he’s flying.

They fumble about in the darkness of the motel room, desperate to be quiet despite the deep sound of Sam’s breathing.

Dean yanks Cas into the bathroom, flicking on the light and shutting the door, then pushing the other man up against it. Cas gasps as Dean’s lips trail over his still wet skin, tracing his collarbones and then the arch of his neck.

“Dean.” His voice is rough and breathless, his hands scrabbling for purchase along Dean’s slick back.

“Yeah Cas?” Dean asks, leaving open mouthed kisses on the fallen angel’s neck.

“We should shower. Chlorine is bad for the skin.” Cas states, and Dean freezes.

He pulls back from Cas, damning his blush to hell. “Are… are you sure?”

Cas nods, and walks around Dean, switching on the hot water. Dean shuffles awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He’s never been shy about this type of thing, but its Cas, and that makes him scared of messing up. It always has.

“Cas…” He says quietly, “I’ve never done this type of thing before. With a guy I mean.”

“I know Dean.” He smiles gently.

Dean flushes, then walks forward, pressing a kiss to Cas’ forehead. “Ok.”

They step under the warm water, still in their boxers. Dean sighs at the feel of the water on his skin, and Cas hums in agreement.

“Cas?” Dean asks hesitantly, “May I wash your hair for you?”

Cas nods, eyes closed beneath the stream of the shower. Dean reaches for the shampoo, lathering it in his hands and then working it through Cas’ hair. The angel lets out a slight moan as he works the shampoo through his thick hair, and Dean feels himself harden in his boxer briefs. Dean has always loved Cas’, hair. The messiness of it, the way it's so thick and soft .  

Dean washes the lather from the other man’s hair, then Cas turns and smiles at Dean.

“My turn.”

Cas touch makes Dean’s veins run with fire, and he’s just finished washing out the shampoo when Dean turns, caging him against the shower wall and kissing him hard on the mouth.

Cas lets out a noise deep in his throat, pulling Dean closer by gripping his hips. The kisses are hot and laced with something else that Dean knows well. He feels himself become more and more bold with each touch, his hands wandering over Cas’ body.

“Dean…” Cas says as Dean kisses the hollow of the other man’s neck. “What about Sam?”

“He’s asleep. And that kid can sleep through just about anything.” Dean hums, then pulls back. “Why? Are you loud Cas?”

Cas’ eyes are bright, pupils blown wide in lust, his skin flushed. His chest heaves, and Dean simply wants to worship that body. To learn every inch of it, he wants to make Cas feel good. Much better than that damn reaper he lost his virginity to.

Cas cocks his head. “Loud?”

Dean chuckles darkly, and presses his lips to Cas ear. “Are you loud when you moan Cas?”

Cas fucking whimpers at this, and Dean is achingly hard in his boxes. To emphasize his point, he rolls his hips against Cas’ slowly, and the two of them groan as their erections rub together. The noises Dean punches out of Cas are breathless and gorgeous, and he moves his lips from the angel’s neck to that perfect fucking mouth.

Their tongues tangle together, and Dean is gasping Cas’ name into the fallen angel’s mouth as they thrust their hips together.

“I’m gonna make you feel good Cas.” Dean whispers, his lips dragging across Cas' cheek. "Will you let me?"

"Please- please Dean." Cas moans, and every thought Dean has shatters.

He thrusts hard against Cas, their foreheads pressed together, both moaning, their lips occasionally locking together. Dean feels the warmth in his stomach building, and he doesn't even try to hide the noises that are punched from him every time Cas' erection rubs against him. The two of them manage to fumble out of their boxers, Cas nearly falling in the slick of the shower, but Dean holds him up. The feeling of Cas' skin sliding against Dean's makes him feel as if he's going to explode and his breath stutters.

"Dean ah- I'm- ah." Cas moans. 

"Are you gonna cum baby?" Dean whispers, his voice a rough groan, he always has been into talking dirty during sex. "Does this feel good Cas?" 

"Yes. Dean-ah-  _Dean."_ Cas lets out his name in a long moan, gripping Dean's back and shuddering against him, his body shaking as his climax explodes through him.

"Fuck."

At the sound of Cas coming with Dean's name on those full, full lips Dean lets go. Spots blot his vision, and all he knows is Cas. Cas is his anchor, holding him to earth, because his spirit is soaring. He eventually opens his eyes, his body still trembling, his and Cas come splattered over their bodies. The water is already washing it off, and it trickles down the drain in a cloudy current. 

"Dean." Cas whispers, and holds Dean close to him. "Thank you."

Dean huffs a laugh, kissing the fallen angel chastely. "Thank you Cas. Thank you for everything. For raising me up, for saving me- I-I love you Castiel. I don't deserve you, and I'm nothing to you, you with your ancient power, but I love you. I have no right to, but I do."

 

Cas' POV

 

The moment those words leave Dean's swollen lips, Cas feels his heart swell and burst inside him. Dean looks up, his green eyes bright with what seem to be tears. Cas feels his own eyes well up. 

"I love you Dean." He whispers. "I've loved you from the moment I pieced your soul back together. From the moment I laid a hand on you in hell. From the moment I saw your beautiful, beautiful spirit, the passion in the way you live and fight, I was gone. I was yours. I'm always yours. You are more than worthy to love me. You are brave and lovely and I can't help but love you."

Dean kisses Cas gently, and the angel can feel the other man's tears against his face. The water has gone cold, but their bodies and hearts are so warm. Dean finally pulls away, glowing with happiness, and Cas feels the love for this man brimming and spilling over in his heart. 

"Let's get some warmer things on." Dean says gently, shutting off the shower, and they step out. 

Dean pulls out the surprisingly fluffy towels to them, wrapping one around each, and taking one last one to towel Cas' messy hair. There are kisses and lingering touches all throughout the time that they dry off and slide into warm clothes.

Cas heads for his bed, but Dean silently tugs the fallen angel over to  _his_ bed, and they curl up under the covers. Dean wraps his arms about Cas' waist and drapes his warm, muscled form over Cas', tucking his face in the hollow of Cas' collarbone.

"Don't worry about nightmares Cas." He whispers. "I'll fight them off with my bare hands."

So Cas sleeps. And there are no nightmares.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Cas awakes to Dean pressed against his side, the rising sun casting a golden light over the man's sleep smoothed face. Cas kisses Dean's forehead, carding his hand through Dean's short hair. He hears Sam moving about the bathroom, and feels a slight blush rise to his cheeks. If Dean wanted to keep this a secret, there's no chance of that now.

Speaking of, Dean stirs, blinking blearily up at Cas before a smile spreads over his face.

"Mornin angel." His voice is husky from sleep.  

Cas blushes. "Good morning Dean."

Dean can't seem to stop smiling, and he kisses Cas forehead before curling back up against him. The bathroom door creaks open, and Cas shuts his eyes quickly as Sam shuffles out. 

He hears the younger Winchester huff a laugh. "Stop playing possum you two, I know you guys are awake. I'll be at the diner next door getting breakfast if you care to join me. And it's about damn time you two got together."

The moment the door shuts behind Sam, Dean lets out a long laugh. Cas has to let out a quiet chuckle of his own, and he loves this. Hearing Dean laugh after so much hurt, this warm bubble that seems to be wrapped around them, protecting them from all the bad things they have to deal with. 

"Hey Cas?" Dean asks, looking at Cas with those bright green eyes of his.

"Hmm?" Cas hums, the two of them laying down, facing the other. 

"Wanna know a secret?" Dean's face is filled with that boyish excitement that makes Cas melt. 

"What?" 

"I love you." 

Cas flushes at Dean's blunt declaration, and moves forward to kiss his head. "I love you too." 

 

Dean's POV

They end up joining Sam at breakfast, the two of them on their own side of the booth he picked, Dean holding Cas' hand beneath the table like they're a couple of cheesy teenagers. They both order strawberry pancakes, and Sam keeps groaning and rolling his eyes when they do something couple-y, but he smiles through the whole meal. 

"By the way, I figured out that the body of the spirit was actually brought up a few years ago. A policeman told me yesterday at the station. Apparently people didn't want to swim in the same lake as a dead body. He's buried in a cemetery just outside of town. So an easy salt and burn."

Dean grins. "That's nice. We usually don't get the good end of the bargain. Nice change." 

Sam nods. "I thought so too."

It ends up being the case, and Dean can't help but wonder if the fact that the case ended up being easy was nature's way of smiling on him and Cas. Cas, who is now sitting next to him as they gaze out across the lake. Sam is still finishing packing up at the hotel. A light breeze ruffles Cas' hair, and he reaches out and grabs Cas' hand. 

"You know," He says seriously, "The cases aren't gonna be this easy. There will always be monsters to fight and hunt."

Cas turns and faces Dean, blue eyes intense as always. "I know Dean. But through it all, I'll be with you."

Dean smiles. "I know Cas. I know."

And he does. Cas smiles too, and they stand, heading back to the Impala. Because, as always, they're gonna carry on. 

 

* * *

 


End file.
